Final Fantasy 8 just plain wrong Again
by Nick-thegeek
Summary: final fantasy 8 from an odd point of view again. chapter 7 now up.
1. Default Chapter

For those who have read this story I uploaded chapter 2 wrong so I removed the story and put ch. 1 & 2 together I'm very sorry for the mistake.

This is my first try at fan fiction and It probably won't go to well either but here's my shot at a humorous take on Final Fantasy 8.

I do not own Final fantasy 8 Square/ Enix does and what fine work they did.

Now for the story Final fantasy 8 just plain wrong. This story rated R for violence, drug use, and language.

Chapter 1 the begin

Opening Fmv plays and we get to the battle portion as the gunblade stick into the ground Squall attempts to pull it out but it won't give.

Squall : come on you son of a bitch rahhhh!!!!

Seifer : hahaha you can't even pick up your sword.

Squall : Fuck you, I just kick you ass unarmed.

Seifer : bring it.

Squall rushes Seifer and Seifer does a vertical slice to the head of squall knocking him back. Squall watches the blood pour on to the ground and a new rush fills him. He pulls his blade from the ground and give one more charge at Seifer

. Squall wakes in the infirmary with a wicked headache.

Squall : Dam hangovers.

Dr. Kadowaki : how do you feel.

Squall : like I have a fucking hangover.

Dr. Kadowaki : say your name for me.

Squall : default

Dr. Kadowaki : alright your ok I'll call Quistis.

???? : Squall you my last hope

Squall : what the....

Quistis enters and gets Squall they walk down the hallway

Quistis: Squall is there something wrong?

Squall : no

Quistis : are you sure

Squall : yes

They walk to class

Quistis: class those who completed the written test are free the rest of you must clean the bathrooms, oh and Seifer don't injure your partner in training ans Squall I need to talk to you.

All leave but sqaull Quistis: did you go to the fire craven yet.

Squall : no.

Quistis : meet me out front ok.

Squall walks out of class down the hall and WHAM something hits like a ton of bricks. ?????: Sorry

Squall : .....

????: is home room over

Squall nods

????: oh no this is so much bigger than my last garden could you give me a tour.

Squall nods and to the directory the go and squall brief tour and out the front gate he goes to meet quistis.

Quistis : are you ready ?

Squall: yes

Quistis: just real quick let me explain/Squall : NO YOU NOT EXPLIANE ANYTHING ALL YOU DO IS WATE MY TIME WITH YOUR NON STOP BABBLING ABOUT SHIT I ALREADY KNOW HOW TO DO DAM./

Quistis ( crying ) fine we'll just go then

At the entrance of the fire craven

Quistis : Squall you know how to/Squall glares at quistis/ Quistis .....

Garden guy: 10,20,30,40

Squall : 20 GG: good luck

Quistis : you know squall most boys choke when I accompany them on this test.

Squall: that's cause your psycho dribble bores them to suicide.

The move through the craven at a blinding speed. They reach Ifrits lair

Ifrit : I'm Ifrit fear me!!!!! Squall leaps in to the air and with on slices fells the beast.

Quistis: how did you do that? Squall holds up a little black disk gameshark never leave home without it.

They leave the craven and head back to the garden. Quistis: Squall go prepare for the seeD exam.  
  
Squall in his room Squall puts on his uniform and heads to the directory.

Quistis: Squall over here,

Squall you'll be in squad B let me see your partner is Zell Dincht quite a lively fellow

. Squall : he not lively he just ADD.

We cut to Zell doing his kicks and flips but he forgets to stop slams in to the directory.

Zell : oh that hurt.

Squall thinking { great I'm stuck with hyper retard}

Zell : wow I'm with you cool, oh hey didn't you get yo ass whooped by seifer.

At this comment Squall grins and then headbutts Zell followed by a knee to midsection into a backbreaker. Squall looking down at Zell ( wax on wax off that you dumb fuck.)

Quistis : that seifer you speak is your squad leader.

Squall: shit, fuck

Zell : pataders

Siefer and co stroll up.

Seifer: is this my squad

. Quistis: yes

Seifer : just great were screwed I got retard and wuss boy.

Squall grabs seifer and slams his head in to the directory, then clotheslines fujin and kicks rajin in gut and elbow him in the head and for good masure kicks zell in the nads. Squall : I'll be in the car. And walks off

Now we'll skip ahead to sub ride after the mission briefing.

Zell : hey squall show me your gunblade.

Squall { does he want to see my sword or my unit} NO

Squall : quistis who was the girl in the infirmary today.

Quistis : I don't know I didn't see anyone.

Seifer begins to laugh Squall : got something to say little bitch.

Seifer : no um but could you look outside ?

Squall get up and goes up top and checks the map then there subs speeds up crashes through the wall and squall goes flying.

Squall : aaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!! ( hits the ground then gets up checks his pockets) I've lost my weed NNNNNNNOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Seifer runs ahead zell meets up with squall. Zell: I guess we follow him.

The follow seifer and get in to a battle with G army soldiers. GS : seeD's must kill.

Squall : don't think so ( beheads one of the men )

Zell : hiiiiiyyaaa lays a beat down on the other.

Now at the central square Seifer : man the is boring you guys want to go up to that communication tower?

Squall & Zell: sure

So they go and the get to some stairs and they see a solider on the ground Solider: be careful there's monsters up there aaaaaaahhhhhhh.

Gets pulled away by a giant snake. Seifer : leave the final blow for me so I can get the most points.

Squall runs and slices the snake in half. Squall : oh well I guess I get the points.

They gut up to the cliff and they have the dream talk the seifer jumps off the cliff. Then a girl appears on top a pile of rocks and the falls off on to her face.

Girl : are you squad B. ( they nod ) where is your leader ( points down at the bottom of the cliff).

Seifer appears. Seifer: maybe later I'll tell you my romantic dream.

Squall { does he mean the one where I'm shirtless wearing assless chaps and riding a mechanical bull } shudders.

Girl : squad leader wait ( jumps off the cliff)

Zell That's a long way down Squall kicks zell in ass sending him off the cliff then squall jumps off and hits a swanton bomb on zell at the bottom.

Girl: come on we got to follow him oh and my name is Selphie Doors of the tower burst open and soldiers come running out with seifer right behind with his pants down

Seifer : come on all I want is for someone to hold it. ( then runs back into the tower and up elevator ) the three also go up the elevator and at the top a man in red is working on something Mir: ah there done.

The towers flickers on with the satellite dishes popping out with the beam and all. Man in red turns to see our heroes

Mir : I think I'll leave now ( runs toward the elevator and seifer pops up at the top pants still down )

Seifer : would you like to hold it.

Man in red turn around again and get into it with our heroes. Mir : I biggs shall send you to hell Selphie smacks him with her chucks and wedge comes running in I'll save you sir and gets dropkicked by zell then a mighty gust a wind blows them away and down comes that bird thing

BT: muhahahah

Squall draws siren

BT: hey man that's my bitch OH it's on now.

Squall runs forward and delivers the lionheart to bird thing.

Selphie : oh I am to tell you that we have to with draw and be at the shore in 30 minutes.

They board the elevator and go down to the bottom.

Biggs: uuuhhhhh I will kill with this they are now the targets.

At tower entrance our heroes encounter the giant metal spider.

All : what the fuck is it ?

Selphie hits it with a thunder spell it drops repairing 10%

Zell : let's haul ass

So they do and the spider keeps come after them they get to the boat and squall just a bit behind and then he leaps and the spider is about to get him when Quistis unloads with the chain gun.

They make there way back to port.

Quistis : your free for a while

Seifer runs off and takes the car and our heroes walk back to the garden upon entering the garden they here an announcement : All those who when in the field exam report to floor 2 hall NOW!

At the hall garden guy show up. GG: those who passed are Nida, Selphie, Zell, and Squall the is all the rest of you sucked ass.

Now In cid's office cid give a short speech and then hands a report to selphie psst the garden festival should be good but I'll be to stoned to remember it

then hands one to nida psst no one cares about you and you will never get laid.

Then he hands one to zell psst get some dam medication.

And hand one to squall psst one day maybe I'll get to play with you gunblade.

cid : that is all dismissed.

They leave and we follow squall to his room and he's changes into his seeD uniform.

Selphie : wow you look good let's party

At the party squall stands alone and a waitress come s by with a drink tray and hand squall a glass of champagne he downs it toss' the glass over his shoulder and it hits zell in the back of the head.

Then selphie comes running up :you want to join the garden festival committee.

Squall : ok

Selphie : tee-hee that's great. Runs off

Then a girl approaches squall Girl : you're the best looking guy here dance with me

Squall : no

Girl : so you only dance with people you like ok ( starts twirling her finger in squall face) you like me you like me please like me, did it work.

Squall : ok I'll dance with you

Girl : yea! They begin dancing and run into another pair of dancers

Guy : hey watch it asshole.

With that said squall punches him in the face and begins kicking the shit out of him a guy come over to stop it who gets an f-u from squall and another try's to stop squall gets f-5ed for his trouble and the last guy on dance floor take a run at squall and gets tombstoned.

Girl : ( scared) I gotta go bye! Runs away

Squall looks up : cool fireworks.

Squall now out on the balcony smoking a blunt Quistis walks up to squall

Quistis : squall get changed and meet me in the secret area that's an order.

She then takes the blunt takes a hit blows the smoke out in the form of her snapping her whip squall takes the blunt back does a hit and blows out the smoke and it forms Bahamut doing the mega flare attack blowing quistis' smoke figure apart.

Then squall changes and meets quistis by the training center.

Quistis : Squall have you fought t-rex yet.

Squall : yup done it already

Quistis : ok then on to the secret area. In the secret area

Quistis : squall what time is it.

Squall : about 12: 18 am why?

Quistis : I am no longer an instructor now I am just a seeD like you because I couldn't cut as an instructor. ( begins to cry)

Squall : it's ok ( puts one arm around her neck and puts his leg around hers hooking his foot around her ankle and delivers a russian leg sweep bouncing her head off the concrete knocking her out)

Squall : I'm gonna go get some sleep. ( walks off to his dorm)

Zell : squall where have you been man I've been standing here for hours and I gotta take shit real bad but I have to tell you new room is right across form your old one. ( runs off)

Squall : ok thanks now time for sleep.  
  
Hope you like the new and improved chapter 1 remember read and review.


	2. chapter 2 trains and bad trips

I got my first review on this story so thank you The days of the phoenix. I still don't own ff8 square-enix still does.

Chapter 2: trains and bad trips

Squall lying in bed here's a distant scream and gets up and follows the sound into the training center and he gets there and to his surprise the girl from the infirmary is there being attack by a giant bug.

Squall : got to save her or I'll never get any sleep.

Squall leaps into battle cutting the bug in half. Squall : well that was a waste of time. ?????: thank you so much squall. Then dudes in white appear from the sky and take the girl and leave.

Back at squall room he is sleeping very soundly until selphie gets there.

Selphie : ( in a demonic voice) GET UP OR I WILL FEAST ON YOUR SOUL!!!!!!!!!

Squall leaps from bed to roof cracking his head. Squall: alright I'm up.

Selphie ( normal again) tee-hee great let's go we have our first mission.

Squall looks at his watch 7:00 am : fuckin hell.

Out by the front of the garden. cid : one more minute. We see zell in the background on his T- board squall picks up a nearby rock and throws it up and selphie using her chucks like a bat sends the rock screaming hitting zell in the head and knocking off the board and to the ground.

cid : you 3 will head to timber and help out a resistance faction there.

Zell : just us

Cid : yes there poor and we don't come cheap. Now get going. Oh and squall take the cursed thing with you( the magic lamp)

Squall and co leave the garden. Zell : can I rub the magic lamp.

Squall : no

Zell for 30 min straight : can I rub the lamp.

Squall : fine (toss' zell the lamp)

Zell rubs the lamp and out pop dioblos. Dioblos : kneel before me mortals Selphie: ( in demonic voice) NEVER YOU LOW CLASS POSER DEMON TIME FOR YOU TO SEE TRUE POWER. And with that selphie fire a ball on energy destroying dioblos.

Selphie ( normal) that was fun.

Now in balamb at the ticket counter. Ticket guy : 3 tickets 3,500 gil

Squall : you gotta be fucking kidding me.

Ticket guy : nope pay or no ride punk.

Squall : punk did you say punk

TG: yes I did

Squall : well in that case ( gives ticket guy a boot to the gut and a stunner then grabs the tickets and runs onto the train).

Now on the train selphie at the door : open open open . Squall uses the tickets to open the door and selphie runs to a window and stares out.

Zell : come on squall let's check it out. ( so they go in and zell enters the cabin) : Whoaaaaa awesome this rules ( and then begins to make incoherent noises)

squall then enters the cabin. Squall : WHAT THE FUCK ( see zell franticly humping the sofa) get off man.

Zell : I' am getting off

Squall : you sick freak ( and chokeslams zell)

Selphie come in : I'm sleepy (drops onto the sofa).

Zell begins snoring the squall drops.

Kiros : where are we?

Laguna: I don't fucking know.

Ward : were lost

Laguna yep

They begin to run through the forest until they arrive at there vehicle and they drive to galbaria ( yes I know that's not how you spell )

Laguna: let's go to the bar

Krios : don't think we should move the car .

Laguna: nonsense now to the bar.

At the bar the crew sits at a table and orders the usual and watch as Julia gets ready to play.

Krios: you got to do it man this may be your one shot.

Ward : yeah man tonight you tap dat ass.

Laguna : I don't think it's such a great idea.

Krio and Ward: just go.

So Laguna slowly makes his way toward Julia and he get to the piano and drops to ground having a massive seizure.

Laguna : dfhkgakgbvkafbhkbvkakbjkgakhgkfbakhghknkavbhkgavhkfhkghabhkgkbfbahbhbafbfhbv ahbhjgabhfbfah.

Everyone in the bar leaves except kiros and ward who wait until the seizure stops 30 min later.

Laguna : what happened guys

Krios : you had another seizure why does that always happen to you.

Laguna : don't know .

Ward : guys we have a new mission we got to go.

Fades out back to the train ( we hear the in now arriving in dollet).

Squall: uh is everyone ok. ( they nod )

Selphie : I had a good dream about a guy named Laguna.

Zell : me too.

Squall : I had the same dream except I was a fuck nut who has a dam seizure every time he gets near a woman.

Anyway so they depart the train and at the station a man says to squall and co : the forest sure have changed.

Squall : who gives a fuck we got important shit to take care of.

Man : right follow me.

They follow him to a train car inside the car Man : I'm watts and this is zone. Zone : could you go wake the princess please.

So squall goes to the end room and see the girl from the dance. Squall : oh god not her why do we have to work for her.

Girl : huh yah seeD is here now we can carry out are plans oh and my name is rinoa.

Squall returns with rinoa : guys this is rinoa and rinoa this is zell and selphie. Rinoa: well let's get started then.

In the briefing room. Rinoa : the president well' be on a train to dollet and we plan to...selphie : blow up with a rocket launcher.

Zell; fire,Fire, Fire, FIRe, FIRE,FIRE,FIRE, ( squalls goes over to zell and bodyslams him jumps off the wall and does a frog splash on him)

Squall : sorry he does from time to time

Rinoa : it's alright babbler, babbler ( explains the mission to them)

Squall : jumping on and off trains are you stoned or stupid.

Rinoa: little bit of both.  
  
Now a top the base car they run and jump to the second escort car they run across that to the presidents car then to the first escort car and they do the first uncoupling process and the trains link. Next they on the second escort car and as they finished the uncoupling process as squall begins to come up his cord snaps .  
  
Squall : OH FUCK (begins falling down a long hill) AH SHIT TREES!!!!  
  
Back at the base car rinoa, selphie and zell go talk to the prez. Prez: I'm not the real president now you will pay hahahahah. They kick the fake prezes ass and the critter he turns in to.  
  
Back at the base car all are sitting around talking .  
  
Zell : what are we gonna do without squall.  
  
As if on que the door opens and squall walks in cut up dirty and covered in brush.  
  
Squall : so did I miss anything.  
  
Read and review


	3. chapter 3 reality tv sucks

Welcome back to ff8 just plain wrong again.

Still don't own ff8.

Chapter 3 reality tv sucks

Our heroes reconvene at timber cause the trains have stopped running.

Squall : so you mean we work for you until timber gains it's independence.

Rinoa : yup that's right

Squall ( mental note ) must get rid of rinoa. AH! Idea

Squall : author yo author

Nick ( in booming voice ) WHAT !

Squall : lle quena I'lambe tel' eldalie? ( do you speak elvish)

Nick nye lle ( I do)

Squall : nau tye Ndengina rinoa? ( will you kill rinoa ?)

Nick : mankoi ? ( why)

Squall : re na I 'ksher ( she is the evil one)

Nick : nye nau tenna' san' dina' ( I will until then be silent ) disappears

Zell : squall what the hell are you doing?

Squall : don't worry about it.

They walk around timber and to timber maniacs then to the old lady's house. Now upstairs

Rinoa : what do we do now

Squall : we wait ( thinks ) { soon we will be rid of you hahahahah} evil smile crosses his face.

Rinoa : what are you thinking about?

Squall : nothing

Old lady : you can leave now.

So they leave and make there way down to that bar area. In the bar the drunk by the door is whining about shit.

Squall : hey drunk dude you want a drink.

Drunk : yeah.

Squall : well then zell why don't you give are friend here a drink.

Zell grabs a bottle and cracks it over the head of the dunk knocking him out then zell begins doing the ( french tickler or the rene dupree dance) over top the drunk dude.

Squall : Zell you such a fag!

This angers zell cause he think his dance rules so he low blows squall and does the french tickler over him saying : how do you like the dance now?

Squall : gonna fuckin kill you .

Squall gets up and chases zell out of the bar up the alley way and up the stairs by the giant tv screen. Which is at the part where seifer has the real president.

Zell : hey is that one of those new reality shows ?

Squall : I don't know reality tv sucks.

Rinoa and selphie join them by the screen.

Quistis on the screen : Squall get you ass down here now!

Squall : fuck what did seifer do now .

As they take off running rinoa trips on her shoe laces and falls off the stair way.

Squall : looks up to the heavens thank you.

Now at the tv station Quistis explains what happened and zell let is slip there from the garden we join them as the sorceress shows up.

Sorceress : fable child trying to do the work of man but he is afraid.

Seifer : shut up.

Quistis runs into the room and instead of getting frozen she starts doing the twist then zell runs in and dose the french tickler sephie does the macerana and squall doing the worm.

Squall : what the fuck.

Sorceress : join me boy.

Seifer : okey dokey

Seifer leaves with the sorceress and everyone stops dancing.

Quistis : squall what do we in this kind of situation.

Squall : smoke a blunt have a sandwich and take a nap.

Everyone : squall.

Squall ok we go to the nearest garden that would be the G garden.

Quistis: right let's go.

So has our heroes leave they get to the bottom of the stairs and see rinoa rubbing her head.

Rinoa : that fall hurt.

Squall ( thinks ) how could she survive that Squall again looks to the havens : I thought we had a deal?

Nick : all in do time.

What will happen next when they get to the G Garden find in the next chapter of final fantasy 8 just plain wrong again.

Now excepting anonymous reviews as well as signed reviews so please read and review.


	4. chapter 4 of allies and idiots

Ladies and gentlemen welcome back to ff8 just plain wrong and I still don't own a dam thing.

Chapter 4 of allies and idiots

As we return to the story our party is on the train headed for the G garden and they get off at the east academy drop off. They head through the forest and they get about a third of the way there quistis, selphie and squall once again fall victim to dream world.

Laguna : let me see a map

Kiros : here you go ( hands him the map)

Laguna : looks were fuckin lost again

Kiros : shit

Laguna : fuck

Ward : uh E is for pants

Laguna and kiros : what the fuck is fat man on

So they run around down in the minds until the find the rocks strapped with explosives.

Ward : big boom fun ( hits both buttons)

Laguna : holy shit

Kiros : ah fuck

BOOM!!!!

The three get blown all the way up on to a cliff by the ocean.

Kiros : ships were saved.

Ward : you....guys...it..its...been...f..fu....fun.

Laguna : ward don't say that well be fine. ( pushes him off the cliff and then pushes krios off the cliff.)

Laguna : man guys that took balls it's a long way down ( begins to climb down ) oh look a quarter ( falls ) aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh sssssssssshhhhhhhhhhiiiiitttttt!!!!!!.

They wake up still in the forest.

Zell : come on guys we got to go.

So they make there way to the g garden out front of G garden.

Quistis : I've been here before let me talk to the headmaster.

Squall : ok everybody follow quistis inside I got something I need to take care of.

Everyone goes in but squall.

Squall : Author come forth

Nick ( appears) what do you want now.

Squall : we had a deal you were to kill rinoa

Nick : I know but she is a vital part of the story and it's sad to say but with out her there is not much of a story line.

Squall : I see so there is no chance of you offing rinoa.

Nick well maybe hold on. ( disappears )

Squall waits and while he is waiting he is smoking a blunt

Nick ( reappears with a figure in a black robe with a hood on)

Squall : who is that.

Nick : this is my finest warrior.

She is trained in all the martial arts and other hand to hand combat skills also very good with magic and has a temper that would rival even your own.

Squall : she ok does this she have a name.

Nick : the name she goes by is Kitty.

Squall : hahah here kitty kitty

Nick : I wouldn't do that

Squall : ah what's a matter here kitty kitty

Kitty : raises her hand and point at squall : russe tuulo' moriloomir ( lightning shoots from her hand and knocks squall back about a 100 feet). They walk up to squall

Nick : I told you she had a temper .

Squall you were right but what does she look like?

Nick : have a look for your self

Kitty disrobes she stands about 5'4 with slightly curly hair down to her lower back with blue streaks in it, has piercing dark blue eyes whit black eyeliner, Has a pierced lower lip and a pale complexion and she wears a simple black tank top, baggy black pants with a black belt with silver chains hanging down from it a pair of black biker boots adorn her feet and she has a black choker with spikes around her neck and a pair black wrist bands with skulls on them.

Squall : wow not bad what about weapons

Kitty reaches behind her a come up with a chin sickle in one hand and a baton sized metal tube in the other.

Squall : what's with the tube

( Kitty flicks her finger on the tube and spears shoot out from both ends )

Squall : is that all?

Kitty : grins and begins twirling the staff around : tintila, kemen

Nick : tampa' tanya ( stop that )

Kitty : fine I will

Nick : Squall kitty will help you from now on in the event of something happening to rinoa and try not to piss her off ok . Bye ( disappears)

They walk into g garden. Kitty you stay here I go meet with the others

Kitty ( nods )

Squall heads up to the 2nd floor and meets with others and learns of seifers supposed demise .

Squall begins thinking : I DON'T WANT TO BE REFERED TO IN THE PAST TENSE AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!.

Runs out the room down the staris and meets rajin

Rajin : yo seifer with you yo .

Squall : no he's dead

Rajin : NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOO ( curls up into the fetal position and cries)

Our heroes meet squall and tell him they are to meet the headmaster out side right now. They go outside and they see Kitty.

Selphie eyes glow red ( demonic voice ) ti sah neeb a elihw dlo dneirf and then selphie launches an energy ball at kitty.

Kitty easily deflects it. Kitty eyes now red ( demonic voice ) ecin ot ees neoemos srebemer eht dlo eugnot tub uoy evah emoceb wols (launches an energy ball at selphie) Selphie

also deflects it Selphie : dna uoy evah nettog dlo

Kitty ( normal voice ) Selphie!

Selphie ( Normal voice ) Kitty

And the share a friendly happy hyper girl hug

Squall : oh my god it's like two slephie's ( cold chill runs through his body )

Martine shows up they all line and salute except for kitty and rinoa screws up the salute and pokes herself in the eye.

Martine : you there ( kitty ) you didn't salute me

Kitty: alright here is this better ( gives him the one finger salute)

Martine : right well you mission is to assonate the sorceress.

Squall: we don't have a sharpshooter.

Martine : that's why were going to give you one Irvine....IRVINE KINNEAS get your chap wearing axl rose wannbe ass out here right now.

Irvine : what

Martine : You are to go we these seeDs and assonate the sorceress ok

Irvine: ok

Martine leaves.

Irvine : so which luck ladies gets to come with me the irv man.

Kitty looks at Irvine : koron en' naur Irvines at of the sudden its lit a blaze .

Irvine : aaaaaahhhhh (throws down his hat and puts it out) why did you do that.

Kitty : Llie n'vanima ar' lle atara lanneina

Squall starts laughing

Irvine : what did she say

Squall : she said your ugly and your mama dress' you funny

Irvine : ya well she don't look so good either

Kitty : oh really ( spears Irvine the delivers the jackhammer )

Kitty : man that guy is fuckin annoying .

Zell : come on we got to get to galbaria.  
  
What will happen when they get there find out next time on ff8 just plain wrong.

Read and review or I'll have to send kitty over there and you wouldn't that now would you.


	5. chapter 5 mazes and rinoa's demise

I'm back so that you all may enjoy another chapter of ff8 just plain wrong.

I still don't own ff8 or anything else portrayed herein.

First a couple of author notes here.

1. In chapter 3 squall speaks elvish in asking me to kill rinoa so he and kitty are the only ones who can speak it. ( for now ?)

2. Selphie and kitty speak cinomed eugnot of demonic tongue I take what ever they say and flip it backwards.

That is all for now.

Chapter 5 mazes and rinoa's demise

Squall : bout fuckin time!!

Right anyway we rejoin are tale as our heroes enter the town of galbaria.

Kitty : so where does this general live at anyway?

Squall : zell you seem to know everything so where's the general's house?

Zell : uh I don't have a dam clue.

Rinoa: three blocks down and to the right.

Squall : how the fuck you know that.

Rinoa : he is my father

Squall ( breaths in ) : fffffffffffffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucccccccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Squall : great now I know why you needed us so bad you wanted us to help with your daddy issue, well were not Jerry f'n Springer. ( storms off )

Selphie : I'd say he took that well.

they make there way towards the mansion only to find out they must prove the bravery by getting a number from the tomb of the unknown king .

Zell and kitty are pick to go and find squall and go to the tomb, they come upon squall at the car rental place sitting on the curb muttering to himself and smoking a joint.

Kitty (zell) : I'd better talk to him first ok

Zell : ok

Kitty : squall mankoi naa lle sinome ( why are you here )

Squall : mankoi lle Irma sint ( why do you want to know)

Kitty : amin dele ten' lle ( I'm worried about you)

Squall : it's rinoa

Kitty gives squall a buzz saw kick to the head

Squall : what the hell was that for ?

Kitty : Your pouting just because rinoa I hate her too cause she really is fuckin annoying, BUT AT LEAST I TOLRATE HER, SO GET UP OFF YOUR SAD ASS AND LET'S GET TO THE TOMB!!!

Sqaull weakly : yes mam

A/N ( in the elvish speaking parts you notice that lle shows up a lot because in elven context the word lle is used commonly for you and do sorry if that confuses anyone.)

Now while at that was happening zell just watched but when kitty got angry zell saw kitty in a new light.

Zell (kitty) : I love you!

Kitty backhands zell : back off couch boy.

Zell: but she (the couch ) means nothing to me.

So our heroes rent a car a drive to the tomb, at the tomb they see two girls running out.

Girls : float

Squall : ok right.

They enter the tomb.

Kitty : what's that smell ?

Squall : don't but it reeks like dead ass in here.

Zell : wow shiny object ( sword on ground ) # 420

Squall : hell yeah sounds like a good time to me

Zell : notice how the author always seems to use pot humor.

Kitty : that's because he is a pot head

Nick appears ( public service announcement ) Smoking weed is bad mm'kay just look what it's done to my brain.

Now on with the story They walk around and the find the statue.

Statue : kill all who enter RAH!!!!!

And let the battle begin

Kitty : twisted soul ( her limit break )

She swings the chain sickle wrapping it around mintours neck and swings him into the walls a few times then takes out her staff pulls mintour in to her stabs bout 10 times rapid fire then swings him back into the far wall spins the staff then sticks through the chain and into the ground Kitty: runyalanta gonea and a meteor swam hits mintour killing him.

Mintour : bastards I'll be back.

Kitty : well that was fun

Squall and zell ( bow down ) were not worthy , were not worthy

Kitty : I know but I like anyway.

So they walk around the tomb for a bout a hour lost

Zell : squall were lost what do we do.

Squall : well...gets interrupted by kitty

Kitty : smoke a blunt and wander around .

Squall : sounds like a great fuckin idea to me

So they do and the eventually find a way to the center tomb.

Mintour : I got my big bro with me now.

Minitour : these beat you impressive but now die

Kitty: I grow tired of you ( mintour ) and she throws her spear into his gut and she then says : bragollach en' templa and mintour explodes form the inside out leaving only a black mark and his big ass club.

Minitour : ah shit

Zell grabs minitour and folds him into a ball puts him on the ground and hands squall the big ass club.

Zell : ( in announcer voice ) this is a huge drive for squall he should break slightly to the left.

Squall rears back : FOUR !!!

And smacks minitour through the roof and to god knows where.

They leave the tomb and head back to galbaria.

Gate guard : well

Squall : 420

Gg : correct this way.

In the mansion they meet rinoa's dad and he explains the mission and takes them through the parade path.

Back at the house they get there teams together

sniper team : squall and Irvine

Gate team selphie , zell, and quistis .

Kitty : what about me?

Squall : you stay with rinoa

Squall and Irvine leave.

The gate team is about to leave when rinoa comes into the room wait guys I got this pendent that suppress' the sorceress powers.

Quistis where did you get it.

Rinoa : out of a box of fruity pebbles

Zell : out of a box of fruity pebbles then it's got to work.

Quistis : this isn't a game you stupid bitch

They leave kitty and rinoa.

Kitty you stay here I'm going to get something to eat ( leaves )

Rinoa : it's not a game ( leaves )

Gate team comes back Quistis : rinoa I'm sorry I... where's rinoa Kitty walks in.

Quistis : kitty where's rinoa? ( door locks )

Zell : aw crap were locked in no.

So they try to think of a way out kitty gets board and decides to mess with zell.

Kitty : lova handasse

Zell starts doing the French tickler un controllably while kitty laughs her ass off .

Selphie : kitty let him go

Kitty waves her hand and zell stops dancing and falls down onto the arm of the statue and open the trap door and they head into the sewers.

Meanwhile the sorceress is giving her speech and she kills the president and then rinoa shows up behind her.

Irvine : squall look it's rinoa

The sorceress the hits rinoa with an energy blast.

Squall jumps up : YYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS finally it happens ( does a happy dance )

Irvine : dude that's cold

The parade starts and Squall and Irvine make there way towards the clock tower they get to rinoa.

Irvine : sad way to go don't ya think

Squall : I guess so .

Rinoa : where am I

Squall : NO DAMMIT NO YOU WERE DEAD I WAS FREE DAM YOU HAND OF FATE WHY ?

Irvine : cool your alive, well lets go

So they go into the clock tower and our gate team makes it out of the sewer in time to close the gate as the clock rises.

Squall : IRVINE SHOOT .

Irvine : I can't do it.

Squall ( pulls out his gun blade ) IRVINE IF DON'T SHOOT RIGHT NOW I WILL CUT OFF YOUR BALLS!

Irvine shoots but it's blocked

Squall leaps off the building into a car speeds to the gate and hops up on the float.

Squall : seifer!

Seifer : nice to see you remember me it is time for you to taste my blade. ( charges squall ) Squall side steps him and stabs him in the back then turns around to get hit by an ice spear in the chest and fall off the float.

What will happen now the only way to find out is to stay tuned to ff8 just plain wrong again.

Read and review you know you want to so just do it come do it, do it

And if you want the story behind the couch joke e-mail me and I will tell you.


	6. chapter 6 prison, missles, and vundersex...

I'm Back with more ff8 just plain wrong again

Chapter 6 Prison, missiles and vundersexxx ?

As we begin the heroes are back in the dream world. The dream world again I don't think so.

Hits fast forward.

Nick : For all those who like the dream world I'm sorry but In the game I find a waste of space. So as of right now I may or may not include the dream world.

Now to the real story Squall wakes up to find himself in 4x4 cell being greeted by seifer.

Seifer : I would like to welcome you to hell.

Seifer leads squall to the torture room but instead of hooking him to the wall he shackles him to a square metal device in the middle of the room and leaves.

In comes a lady dressed in a robe.

Lady ( in German accent) : you must be squall I'm here to pleasure you.

Squall : funckin sweet.

Lady puts a piece of paper in squall's hand.

Lady : If at any time the pleasure becomes to great you can use the safe word and I am Madame vundersexxx.

All those who have seen euro-trip knows what is coming next.

Madame Vundersexx : rips off her robe to reveal a leather dominatrix outfit and two big dudes join them in the room.

Madame : let the vundersexx begin, administer the testicle clamps.

Squall : testicle clamps ah fuck .

Squall pants and under shorts are ripped off and one of the big dudes approaches squall with a set of jumper cables.

Squall grabs the piece of paper to see the safe word. Paper reads along German word starting with what appears to be flugen.

Squall : flugen , falgen

We fade to black and here the sounds of electricity and squall screaming.

Then we cut to another cell with everyone but kitty and Irvine in it. Some guards enter the cell.

Mean guard: is there a rinoa with you ?

Rinoa : I'm rinoa.

Mean guard : you have been pardoned come with us. Zell : your not taking her ( leaps at the guards and gets the shit clubbed out of him) Mean guard leaves with rinoa and has about four guards placed outside the seeD cell.

We now cut to the floor where the two guards are admiring the weapons .

Random guard 1 : so these are seeD weapons eh.

Random guard 2 : yup they are nice and shiny.

Then we see a chain come up from the hole in the floor and then we see a sickle go through the chest of random guard 1 and he gets pulled down into the hole and up from the hole comes kitty.

Who lands in front of random guard 2 kitty kicks the guard in the gut and grabs him around the throat lifts him up and spin around sending the guard head first into the wall popping his head like an unwanted zit the day before prom.

She gathers up the weapons heads to the floor where the seeD cell. As she ascends the stairs she sees the four guards outside the door.

Kitty : this shall be fun.

Kitty hurls her spear and it plants it self in the gut of one guard she then throws her chain sickle around the neck of a guard and flips him into the hole.

The third guard either found a set of balls or has a death wish and takes a run at kitty who side steps the guard grabs his arm pulls him into a knee to the ribs causing him to kneel down kitty then puts her boot on the side of his head and simultaneously pulls his arm toward her and thrusting her foot away from her which breaks his neck like a chicken bone.

She then walks up two the fourth guard who looks about to piss his pants kitty pulls her spear from the other guard.

Kitty : tell you what you can run now and live or end up like the other three. Fourth guard just stands there looking scared

so as kitty turns around to get the stuff he kicks her in the butt knocking her forward a step kitty turns around with a fire in her eyes.

Kitty : I gave you a chance but you fucked up now ( bela ed' templa ) and as kitty raises her hand the guard floats up into the air then she closes her hand snapping him in half.

She then leaves the weapons out side the doors and heads up stairs.

Meanwhile Squall : flugensanhamen.

Madame V: your sure you want flugensanhamen .

Squall : yes for fuck sake flugensanhamen .

Madame V : alright bring in the flugensanhamen

The big dudes grab the metal device on either side causing squall to be put in the bent over position the big dudes leave the room about five seconds later you hear what sounds like a lawn mower start up squall looks behind him to see one of the big dudes.

Holding a big gun thing with a four pronged claw on the end with a big dildo on each prong. Then you see a laser sight line up with squall's rear entry and the big dudes runs forward and. We fade to a censor screen all you hear is squall going aaaaaaahhhhhhhh, mother of god no more , aaaaaaaahhhhhhh my aaaaaaaaassssssssssssssss.

Cut back to the cell. Zell : we got to get out of here.

Selphie : well no shit.

Zell: I gotta get our weapons back

Zell: you guys lay down and act sick .

Zell : guard help I think a snake bit the girls....um guards help

Door opens to reveal one of the moomba's zell sees the carnage

Zell : what the fuck happened here ( looks down ) oh our weapons . Hey guys found our weapons.

Back with squall now he is now fully clothed and up on the wall.

Siefer : did you have fun ?

Squall : fuck you

Siefer : fair enough now tell about seeD

Squall : go eat cock

Siefer : fine then Goes over and flips the switch shocking the shit out of squall

Siefer : like that.

Squall: hell no

Siefer I must go prepare to lunch missles at you precious garden assint take over.

Assint : yes sir ( shocks squall ) Now what is seeD

Squall : thinks { just let me die} ...

Assint : what was that

Squall : ...you...you're a walking popcorn fart. Assint (shocks squall)

Back at the cell. Zell : we gotta find squall.

Moomba : sqeek sqeek

Slephie : I think It's trying to tell us some thing Moomba runs up stairs our heroes follow as they are running up stairs they run into rinoa.

Rinoa : guys are you ok ?

Quistis : yes were fine we gotta get squall and get out of here. So they continue to run up the stairs until the reach the room squall is in  
  
Selphie : squall are you hurt

Squall : thinking { not anywhere visible } no I'm ok.

Zell : got you a present ( toss' squall his gun blade )

Squall: let's get the hell out of here. As squall says that you hear the alarm

Squall : come on let's go. They all haul ass to the bridge as there running across the bridge squall hip checks rinoa off the bridge.

As that's going on at the bottom you see kitty and Irvine and Irvine seems to begging kitty not to make go in the prison.

Then you see rinoa land on Irvine Irvine : ah my spine

Rinoa : sorry

Kitty looks up in time to see the bridge fall away and everyone begins to fall

Kitty : they'll owe me for this ( Bela ed' templa ) kitty stops everyone mid freefall and floats them to the ground.

Squall see rinoa still alive Squall ( under breath ) one of these days you will die I will see to that

Kitty: squall not now don't you have something else to worry about .

Squall : ah shit your right we gotta get to the garden there gonna shoot missiles at it.

Stay tuned for what happens next. Read and review.


	7. Chapter 7 I hate ladders!

Ah it's good to be back and time for another chapter it seems. Hope all my fans enjoy.

Chapter 7 : I hate ladders!

As we join our heroes they just escaped prison and are at the crossroads. (missiles fire).

Quistis : they've started.

Rinoa: heard the targeted tribia first.

Slephie: nnnnnooooooooo.

Slephie : ( now demonic) yeht lliw yap.

Slephie: ( normal) who's coming with me.

Squall: rinoa, Irvine go with her.

So those three head off and the rest head to the garden.

The base team make there way inside and they see a gaud and attempt to go past.

Guard : hey who are you?

Slephie: Do you know who we are ?

Guard : no

Slephie : do we know who you are ?

Guard : uh, maybe

Slephie : do you even know who you are?

Guard (confused) uh,uh,uh,

They leave the guard alone and go on.

Irvine : do we know who we are?

Rinoa : oh for the love Slephie you confused Irvine.

Slephie : here Irvine take these ( gives him pills)

Irvines ( takes pills ) tee-hee me happy

Rinoa : what you give him?

Slephie : hydrocodine mixed with speed.

Rinoa: ah

They continue they switch the missle error control to max and they push the launcher into place. Then they make there way to the computer room and fuck up the computer and run up stairs the control room.

Crg : who are you ?

They Don't answer the instead throw off their outfits and fight. Irvine shoots one guard, rinoa takes out a gaud with her arm thing. Slephie leaps over the other guards head and wraps her numchuck around his neck and sling him into the control room unit. Electrocuting him and setting off the self destruct.

Slephie: Ah fuck run for it.

They run for the exit only to run into the iron clad aka the six cyclinder piece of shit for a boss battle, then easily dispatch of TSCPOSFABB, and come to the harsh realization that they are going to die.

Selphie: nnnnnnnnnnnnnnoooooooooooooooo!

Rinoa: did squall know this would happen

Irvine: Im to pretty to die!

Now we switch over to the other team. Squall begins to celebrate and dancing around.

Zell: man what the fuck are you dancing for?

Kitty: Rinoa's dead

Zell: ah, member missiles garden anybody.

Squall: Right let's go

So they make there way to the garden to see it in utter chaos.

Faculty douche bag: who yee claim

Party: ( blank expressions)

FDB: headmaster or garden master

Kitty: which answer means I get to kill you?

FDB: um…headmaster

Kitty: we claim headmaster

FDB: then die ( gets ready to blow the whistle) Kitty lunges and grabs him by the throat and puts her legs on his shoulders and pushes off with her legs ripping his head and spine out.

Kitty: (let's out the predator bloodlust scream)

Squall: I give it ten points for coolness

They make there way to entrance courtyard and are surrounded by a bunch of FDB's and students with evil intent on there minds.

Kitty: come on who wants to die first!

Squall: step up motherfucks

Zell: I love rainbow brite!

Squall Kitty ?

Squall: ok zell after this remind me to whoop yo ass

We move to about a 100ft from the group and we see yours truly standing there, with yet another cloaked figure this time the cloak is blood red.

Nick : show them your power!

Figure : (raises a hand up) Hyandea en'lutha (Blade spirits)

And the sky fills with phantom swords and the figure lowers it's hand and the swords fall killing all but are three hero's.

Nick : Squall the head master is in his office go there now we shall take care of the rest.

Kitty: But I want to kill things

Nick : SIE!

Kitty: guys let's go

So they take the elevator up to cid's office and informs him of the missile problem and he remembers the old missile defense system.

So our party makes there way to the sub-basement level and begin to descend the ladder.

Zell: hey kitty did I ever tell you, that your ass looks great.

Kitty quickly back kicks zell and he falls down to the metal bellow

Squall : Well for once he is right your ass is nice

Kitty : why thank you squall so is yours (reaches up and place her hand on his ass and squeezes the with a jerk she sends him down to ground bellow and right on top of zell)

Zell : why do you hate me man?

Nick : cause right now you're the target of my aggression.

Now then the get the well turned and descend that ladder down to the big thing with the old rickety ladder on it,

Squall : so who wants to climb the ladder

Zell (faints)

Squall : kitty you can climb up there

Kitty: yeah but I could also castrate you in your sleep.

Squall : point taken (begins to ascend the ladder) Looks down fuck im high up, on that note, Pulls out a joint gotta clam the nerves, (begins toking)

Zell(wakes up and kips up only to smack his head off the ladder and knock it loose.) Ladder begins to shake

Squall: what the fuck ah fuck

CRASH!

Squall is now laying on his back still smoking the joint inside the control room he fell into.

Squall: (exhales) cant feel spine but don't really care

Squall gets up and smashes the control panel and makes his way down the ladder back to kitty and zell.

Squall: who fucked with ladder

Zell (raises hand)

Squall: zell come here

Zell: are you going to hit me?

Squall: nope

Zell: ok

Zell walks toward squall and gets kicked right in the crotch by kitty.

Zell (seaky voice) you said you wasn't gonna hit me

Squall: I know but I didn't say a dam thing about kitty

They find the switch which leads them down the next ladder to a walkway with a door at the end while crossing the walkway they are attack by the ugly white things.

Squall: what the flying fuck are those

Kitty : soon to be dead

Kitty throws her sickle at one of the things but it just bounces off.

Kitty: not good

Zell: fuck this ( runs away only to be clotheslined by me )

Nick : dam looks like we have to save their sorry asses again

Figure : nods, (places palms out in front of it self and says ) Philin en' templa , ( about a 100 arrows appear in front of the figure) Nauru (arrows light on fire, figure pulls arms back ad if to draw a bow and thrusts forward sending the arrows in to the creatures) Bragollach en' templa (arrows glow brightly, figure closes hands and the arrows explode along with the monsters)

Nick : (claps) well done

Figure : ( bows slightly)

Now if you want to find out what will happen next stayed tuned for more, and as always read and review, and sorry about the long wait!


	8. chapter 8 fate's intervention

Welcome back to the twisted world known as FF8 Just plain wrong again, still don't own a dam thing.

Chapter 8 Fates intervention

Ah now where were ah yes just blew up the ugly white critters.

Squall: thanks we owe one

Nick : not me (points to the cloaked and hooded figure) you owe her

Squall: her?

Figure disrobes revealing a girl about , 5'3 fair complexion with chin length blue hair with red streaks in it, attired in a sleeveless purple button up top, along with matching leather armlets and gray cargo pants and black combat boots.

Kitty : bout fucking time you showed up Jo

Jo : your wit never ceases to amaze me kitty

Kitty: why thank you

Nick : let's just go, homecoming intro's later move

Squall and kitty head into the door way just a sai whizzes past kitty's head and embeds itself in the wall.

Kitty : missed me bitch

Jo : want me to throw the other one whore

Nick : Hey enough , Let's grab chicken shit and move

So me and jo grab zell by the ankles and drag him into the room with the old ass machine in it.

Squall switches it on and it begins to rumble and whine and shake

Jo : nice going retard you broke it

Squall : two fucking mins I have know you and I already want something bad to happen to you

Jo : ah squall that's so sweet of you to say

Squall : right

Lift kicks on and were all shot up on the platform to the top of the garden in cids office, and the garden begins to fly and narrowly avoids the missiles, and squall manages to turn the garden towards the ocean were we drift

Lift comes down

Cid : squall that was amazing you saved us all

Nick, Kitty, and Jo, do the bull-shit cough

Cid : huh oh right who are these people

Squall: well this is Kitty and Jo and…

Nick : and I am the master of the middle finger (gives cid the finger ) chief ass whooper of sorry sons of bitch's, pothead amongst potheads, Jo (wraps me upside the back of the head) ow im nick

Cid: great to meet you all enjoy the garden

So they all some how fit into the elevator and head down to the first floor.

Squall : are they sisters

Nick : sort of created by the same dna yes, but different in there own way

Squall : so you train girls only then

Nick : well would rather be around sweaty dudes or surrounded be nice looking athletic females

Squall : can't argue that point

Zell : what's wrong with a bunch of sweaty dudes ?

Nick and squall commence to stomp the shit out of zell

A few hours later

Nick : im fucking hungry you guys got food here

Squall : yea follow me

Squall leads us to the food court, (to lazy to spell cafa…)

Jo: uh huh no cooks

Squall : nope

Jo : why not

Squall : cause you killed them

Jo : win some lose some

Just about then we hear two familiar voices

Butt-head : whoa! Check it out beavis chicks

Beavis : heheh really cool

Nick : no fucking way how did you to end up here

BH : uh huhhuh (looking at jo ) come to butt-head

Jo back kicks butt-head across the room

BH : huhuh that hurt fart knocker

Beavis : me to hit me to heheh

Jo knocks beavis across the room

BH : she mine dill hole

B & B begin fighting

Nick : ok (goes into the kitchen and finds some frozen pizza and cooks it )

Nick : munchies

Squall : sweet

So they all enjoy some pizza until zell comes bounding in

Zell : food! (leaps at the pizza and catches a sharp boot from kitty)

Kitty : fuck off rainbow brite liker

Jo : hey there is nothing wrong with rainbow brite, it's better then what you secretly like

Squall : and that is

Jo … Kitty: don't fucking say it (tackles Jo)

Nicks : she plays with barbies

Kitty : you motherfucker (jumps at me, I side step her and wrap her hair around me hand until she's looking up at me )

Nick : (sighs) you done

Kitty : yes and quit look down my shirt squall

Squall : what there really sweet looking

Kitty : really (lifts shirt and flashes all)

Squall : dude

BH : whoa!

Beavis : heheheheh

Nick smiles

Jo: oh Please mine are way better (flashes)

Squall : sweet

BH: huhuhuhuhuh

Beavis : oh yeah

Nick smiles : well ok that was eventful now I gotta roll seeya , (waves hand ) nothing happens , ok why didn't that work

A scroll fall out of nowhere

Nick open the scroll and reads, for you mockery of my power im leaving you stuck here until this story ends, Signed hand of fate.

Nick : motherfucker

Find out what happens next soon, Read and review


End file.
